


Therapy Is For F*** Up's

by sarchengsey



Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians & Related Fandoms - All Media Types
Genre: I Don't Even Know, M/M, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-30
Updated: 2017-01-28
Packaged: 2018-09-03 08:10:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 18,452
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8704462
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sarchengsey/pseuds/sarchengsey
Summary: (jercy) I had been going to Group Therapy for almost six months , and I was proud to say I hadn't "Shared my story". Don't get me wrong I'm sure group therapy helps some people just... Not me. That is it didn't until Percy Jackson joined our afternoon sessions, after that therapy became a bit more interesting.





	1. Awkward Angels

Were Fucked up  
Time didn't love us  
With scars to show it  
We own it  
-The Children  
____________________________________

Percy P.O.V

My stomach growled loudly which successfully got my therapist to stop talking for a full five seconds.

"Listen Percy, I understand the pain of sharing your story, But I really think this Group Therapy will be good for you." She said in her annoyingly high pitched voice.

"Yeah okay." Was my dull answer.

She frowns at me with such intensity that I have to bite my lip to stop myself from laughing.

"Okay Percy. Your first session is tomorrow at four, please don't forget." I nod towards the door asking a silent question, "Yes you may go. Here take this," She hands me a piece of folded up white paper, "It has a list of your sessions for the next three weeks."

Eventually I escape the hellhole which is referred to as therapy.

I've been seeing Miss Evelyn for two months now, This fucked up journey all started with my mum dying.

My stepfather Gabe killed her on a Friday night with a fully loaded shotgun. And since I don't have any relatives I was sent into Foster Care.

Right I know I'm fifteen I can completely take care of myself, but apparently that's not how the Child services see's things. So I'm stuck with a pathetic therapist, a horribly nice foster home, and now Group Therapy sessions.

I knock on the door of my foster house, (I'm not to be trusted with a key yet), They door opens wide to admit me into the small mansion they expect me to call home.

"Hi sweetie! How was therapy?" Mrs. Underwood asks sweetly.

"Fine." I look around the house in aw, The door opens up into a wide hall way branching off into a kitchen and the stairs to the basement, The end of the hallway spreads into a big living room, to the left is the spare bedroom and to the right is the dining room which folds neatly into the kitchen. Straight ahead is a nice open stairwell heading upstairs to the four bedrooms and four bathrooms, plus an extra living room with all the games you could ask for.

Even though I've seen if about a million times it still amazes me how someone actually grew up here.

"Grover will be home soon, he is still at track practice though. Cookies?" She informs me while shoving a plate piled with cookies into my arms.

I thank her for the cookies and warn her that I'll be up in the spare bedroom (Which they expect me to call my bedroom).

Grover and I have been best friends since seventh grade, before all of this crashed upon my all to perfect life, I stayed with Grover a lot. I was never jealous of what he had, but now that I have everything he had I am jealous of the boy.

Not jealous of the fact that he has money and a big house, but the fact that he will never know the pain that invades my every second, they fact that he has a family to fall back on.

So I do the only thing I can do, I drown out my pain with a pocket knife, loud music, and a cigarette.  
____________________________________________________________  
Jason P.O.V

Sweat poured down my back with my muscles ached with a certain satisfying glare.

I licked my lips and kept moving, the gravel whining beneath my feet. The crisp air stinging my lungs.

I run like the devil is at my door.

Music blares in my ears pounding my ear drums.

Thoughts coarse through my body like blood.

When I stop it's only because I don't have anywhere else to go, my destination reached.

I knock on the door silently cursing myself for forgetting the key, I could be out here for hours waiting for an answer.

Luckily Thalia was home. She opened the door to our small apartment and ushered me inside trying to ignore the cold air outside.

"Hi Jase, Get the fuck in here it's cold." She said physically grabbing onto my arm and pulling me into the warmth.

"Hey sis." She smiles at me with kindness I can always count on, "Was worried you weren't home for a minute there."

"Naw, I'm here I was just ignoring you." She playfully pushes my arm.

"Real funny, You cooking something?" The question stems from a sweet smell coming from the itsy bitsy kitchen.

"Actually it's Phoenix." Phoenix has been Thalia's girlfriend on and off for about two years now. I smile at the thought of her cooking, it's like eating glitter drenched in whipped cream.

"I'm glad she's back." I reassure her.

"Me too." And for once her smile reaches her eyes.

"Now I would love to stay and chat but I have to shower and get to group therapy or I'll be late."

************

Twenty minutes later I'm jogging again, and highly regretting my shower.

The fierce wind stabs at my skin sending bumps to the surface. The warmth of the shower only lasting a couple seconds before heaven froze over and I found myself standing on the porch without a key and three to little layers of clothing.

Gravel quickly turns to pavement which quickly turns to steps at which point I hit something strong and continue to slip.

I hit the floor with power, threatening to spill my air and robe me of life itself.

"Ah shit, sorry." I get up slowly trying to get my anger under control.

"It's fine." I snap straitening my jacket and looking at my attacker.

Oh gods. Of course he has to be hot, life just isn't fair enough to give me someone ugly.

He stands a couple inches taller than me with tan skin and deep green eyes. A single pierced ear and what seems to be a tattoo peeking out of his sleeve send a wave across my skin.

"Uh, Hi." He smiles crookedly. For fuck sake at least have a horrible smile! But no I'm not that lucky.

"Hey." I hold out a hand with embarrassing speed, "I'm Jason."

"Percy." He answers grabbing my hand with strength I haven't known in a while. His eyes glint mischievously, "Percy Jackson."

And that is the exact moment I died.

Eternal peace fell over me and I realized just how obvious I had just been.

"You stuck in group therapy as well?" He asks his voice deep and crystal clear.

"Yeah, Your new?"

"Yeah..." He bit his lip apprehensively, and I tried to steady my legs.

"Maybe I can show you the ropes, the secret to never letting them know your story." I shrug trying desperately to play it 'cool', "I mean if that's what your planning on doing."

"Yeah, wouldn't want anyone to know my secrets." He smiles and I have to fight the tears, "Maybe you can show me the ropes."

Oh for Gods Fucking sake.  
__________________________________________________  
Percy P.O.V

A fucking angel ran into me.

Literally.

What the actual fuck.

He had beautiful blond locks, and gentle blue eyes, full lips carved with a scar, he was barely shorter than myself and clearly more muscular.

Which somehow fit my exact definition of the most beautiful man on earth.

And then he goes and becomes charming, he has no right.

I barely even listened to the therapist I was to busy fucking fangirling over a certain blond prince. That is until my name popped up,

"Oh it looks like we have a new student, Why don't you introduce yourself and tell us a little bit of your story." I blinked away the day dream and looked up at the male therapist.

"Uh, I'm Percy Jackson." Which caused my internal cringing.

"Nice to meet you Percy." He smiled awkwardly, "Would you like to share a little?"

Fuck no, Is what I want to say but instead I look across the room to Jason who mouth 'Say whatever you want, it won't hurt.'

So then came the cussing.

And that is how I got kicked out of group therapy. Apparently it was a 'No Negativity' space and I needed to stand in the hall so everyone can recover from my outburst.

Great, bloody great.

Maybe he isn't an angel, maybe he is the devil in disguise.

Fantastic I have a crush on the devil.

So I blared my music and played Crossy Road, until they sent Josephine out to get me.

"Now Percy I'm sure your sorry, and I know you didn't know about our rule but we just had to air out the room okay?" I nod glumly.

My eyes get caught on the sharp blond hair of Jason Grace, he is discreetly staring down at his phone, a earbud barely hidden by his hoodie.

"Now Jason would you like to share?" The Therapist asks with a voice so clearly not expecting to hear anything from the boy that I mentally flinch.

"Would you like to child safe or the mature version of the answer?" He asks not even looking up from his phone.

"Please Jason we are here for you."

"Fuck off."

And that is how Jason was sent to the hall.

I practically screeched outloud because he is a fucking bad boy, the fuck gave him the permission?

"What the hell is up with him?" I asked before I could rethink my situation.

He didn't even have to tell me to leave, just glared at me like I was some serial killer maniac and I was out of there.

"Ah, I see you figured out the trick then?" Jason asks when I manage to get out into the hall.

His smile was sharp and his eyes shielded pain I couldn't attempt to explain.

"Yeah I guess I did."  
************

Group Therapy is an hour long every Tuesday.

Jason Grace has been going for about six months.

That means he has spent about twenty four hours in group therapy.

And he is still holding strong against the reality of his situation.

Fuck, he's stubborn.

It took about two weeks and one accidentally running into each other (Literally) For me to consider him a friend.

But now that we know each other a bit, I can only think of one thing that would make this better, But he is as straight as hell.

A quick decision to ignore this fact and my mind is wandering, I smile softly at the daydream.

Then miraculously spill Pepsi all over my brand new shirt while thinking about holding his fucking hand.

"Dude! What the hell?" Grover shouts over the music. '

"I have a problem." I answer tossing my now stained white shirt and putting on a darker color.

The song changes to Highway To Hell, and I admit that, that about sums up my current life.

A battle plays out in my head. I could tell Grover about my man problems and risk being cast out. Or I could just hold it in till I burst.

But realistically Grover would never shame me, if anything he would support me, but I'm not realistic.

"Yeah you clearly do." He growls and for the first time I notice I spilled Pepsi on him as well, "What is it a guy? Or your pathetic therapy?" My heart drops.

Guy?

"What do you mean guy?" I gulp out.

An invisible hand clenches around my lungs and I can feel pressure building in my chest, my hands itching for a blade.

"You know, Do you have a crush on someone? I mean you've been acting like it for about a week now and the fact that you keep drawing Mr. Jason Jackson and Mr. Percy Grace all over your paper in class kinda gives it away..." I can feel the heat seeking my cheeks.

"You saw that?" He smiles,

"Yeah man you've been pretty obvious."

Fuck.

My mind splits, Embarrassment and relief fight for dominance.

"His name is Jason, he goes to my group therapy,"

"Oh god that's adorable." He says sarcastically, "Now shut up and tell the the important stuff."

So I proceed to tell him all about Jason Grace, which really doesn't help my current situation. But I quickly realize I don't care.  
______________________________--


	2. Chapter 2

Jason P*O*V

It took me about five point two seconds to realize my initial mistake.

I was forming a crush on a straight boy.

But I was to far gone by then to stop myself.

Okay I could have blocked myself off but it was super fun to plan our wedding so shut up.

"Jason?" A irritated voice reaches my room.

"Yes?"

"Did you eat the last fucking cookie?" Thalia yells.

I look down at my stash if Oreo s and contemplate mt situation.

"Uh... Yeah?" I beg my smile not to show through.

"Oh fuck, what's wrong?" She barged into my room in her sweatpants and sports bra.

"For starters your not wearing even close to enough clothing." I smirk indicating to her bare skin.

"Oh whatever." She grabs a blue shirt from my drawer and throws it on, "On a serious level. What is wrong? You never eat Oreo's unless it's bad!" She falls onto the bed beside me.

"You really want to know?"

I know I'm going to tell her but I still battle it out in my mind.

She's known I like blokes from the start, and I've known she likes girls.

It's just always been like that, so why would I hesitate to tell her about Percy?

"Of course." She reassures me stealing a cookie from my stash.

"Okay," I take a breath and semi hope for a scream like any normal sister would give, "I've got a crush."

And then she fan-girl screams and asks a billion questions I don't understand.

Or at least that's what would happen it Thalia was normal in any way.

"I will kick his ass." She says in a frightful tone, "You only eat fucking Oreo's when your fucking upset. What did the little bitch do? I will murder his way to small dick."

I laugh and she looks me dead in the making me regret it, "I'm not joking Jason fucking Grace I will make him eat his own ass hair."

"Thalia relax. He is straight that's why I'm upset. He didn't do anything."

"Oh. Jase I'm sorry, I know the struggle." She smiles and hands me a Oreo's.

"Yeah... Now you can do the thing."

She smiles with delight. and jumps up.

"My baby bro's got a crush!" She chants over and over dancing in a circle then picking up her phone and looking at me for permission.

I nod and she dials her girlfriends number.

"Code green." She says in the most serious tone and I hear a scrambled reply and what sounds like a car door, "Phoenix is on her way." She says hanging up the phone.

I snuggle into my blanket and open it up to let Thalia in.

"So is it a talker or a movie and ice-creamer?"

"Talker." I hesitate only to bring back the memory of his smile, "He's adorable, I'm pretty sure he's from heaven. He's is in group therapy with me, and I taught him the tricks on his first day, We actually ran into each other on the steps. I don't know he's just so perfect."

"Pictures?"

I smile slyly pulling out my phone and going through about five or six selfies we had taken.

"Oh my fucking god. I would go straight for him and I haven't even met him!" She shrieks, "Hey we should remedy that."

"I know right!"

"I'm here and I have brought Doritos!" Phoenix calls triumphantly from the kitchen having let herself in.

^^^^

After four more weeks of sitting in the hall talking trash I had realized something bad.

Percy was not only straight he has a girlfriend.

He had about a thousand pictures of her on his phone most looked like they had been taken secretly.

She was pretty with blond hair and grey eyes.

That my friends is how I utterly died.

"Who's that?" I ask in what hopefully was a nonchalant tone.

"Annabeth Chase. She's my-"

"Girlfriend?" I don't mean to sound bitter but that's how it comes out.

"Uhm.. No were not dating." Relief flooded through me and I couldn't hide my smile, "She is a really good friend. She doesn't like pictures so you know black mail..." He gestures slowly to his phone screen.

"Oh I just you know assumed... Uh, do you have a girlfriend?" His cheeks burned red and I barely stop myself from kissing them.

"No... I-I'm-" But he is interrupted by the door swinging open and a angry Josephine practically yelling at us to come back in.

My mind was no good for the rest of the night.

I wanted to know what he was going to say, somewhere inside I knew it was nothing big or important but that didn't stop me from dreaming.

Twice he caught me staring and turned bright red looking away quickly.

Once he tried to smile and accidentally spilled his water all over his painstakingly white shirt.

The fact that he couldn't change didn't help my staring.

Then the hour was up and I was forced away from my dream land into an empty house and stale Doritos.

***Percy P.O.V

To be honest, I would love to say that Jason was on my mind 24/7. I would love to be in one of those crushes.

But that would be a complete lie.

Jason wasn't always on my mind. My mum was.

Right totally and completely lame. But in my defense she's dead.

My music was blaring ACDC, luckily I was alone today, my mind was wandering my phone dead in my hands. I had no one to call but that didn't stop me from gripping my phone staring at my mums number until the screen went black.

It was a kind of self torture, I think that's mainly why I do it, Some sick demented part of me didn't want the horrible feeling to leave my chest.

I plug in my phone to the wall and lay on my back, Time seemed to go slower when she was gone. Colors weren't as bright. Food didn't taste the same. It was all chaos, I felt like my mind was going to explode, going to fall apart if I felt any more pressure.

My phone turns on lighting up the dark room. Two texts. My breath catches and my heart dances when I notice Jason's phone number.

'Hey'

Hey. Fuck how does that make me drool? He sent it five minutes ago, so I call it safe to write back,

'Hey-o'

'Super cheesy dude'

'Wanna hang?'

I can practically feel my guts twisting.

'Yeah sure'

'Epic. Pizza?'

^^^^

"Hi." I smile and I swear I blush as well.

It looks like he ran. For fucks sake. His dark green shirt is slightly sticking to his skin, his hair is neatly combed and his glasses are crooked.

"Hey Jackson." We sit down in a booth and a pretty girl comes to take our order.

"Hey Jason." She smiles coolly down at him successfully making jealousy drip down my spine.

"Hi Nixxy." He smiles and takes the menus from her outstretched hand.

"I thought we talked about this Jason, It's fucking Phoenix." She fills my water with a smile.

"I thought you liked it when we called you Nixxy."

"I like it when Thals calls me Nixxy not you dipshit."

"Whatever. This is Percy Jackson." He smiles over at me and I momentarily forget how to breath.

"I know, Mr. Jackson over here is a regular. I gotta go, see you later Jase, nice to see you Percy." She hops away in all her perfection and Jason stars at her disappearing figure like she is something to eat.

"So... You guys have met?" I grind my teeth trying to sound casual.

"Yeah. She's my sisters girlfriend... She's a really good cook." He snaps his head towards me and I sigh in relief.

"Oh? I didn't know you had a sister."

"Yeah, Thalia, Maybe you could meet her sometime."

And that's when I bit my tongue and spent two minutes trying to see if it's cut or not.

DAMN

FUCKING DAMN.

"My gods are you alright?" He moves my hands away from my face touching my lips slightly. Our eyes catch and for about two seconds it's like a scene from a fucking drama movie or something, then he breaks eye contact blushing slightly.

"I'm.. Yeah I'm fine." He smiles at the ground and immediately changes the subject.

^^^^

I don't remember when it happened. I couldn't even tell you how it happened, but at some point it became routine.

We would go out to pizza after Therapy, we would go walking on Sunday morning, we would workout, and just hang out.

Before I even realized what was happening we were hanging out almost everyday, he met Grover (They hit it off like ice cream and sprinkles) and I met Thalia (How is someone that cool? Like what the fuck).

I usually stayed at his house if we did sleep over's (That sounds like were ten) We were both sort uncomfortable with the richness of Grover's place.

We would eat pizza and play video games all night, Thalia usually left us alone (I guess she went to Phoenix's or something) so we could be as loud as we wanted.

It was a blast, but it hurt.

God it hurt so bloody bad.

But it was worth it.

I was so fucking worth it, to see his smiles, when he blushed, the look he made when he thought you weren't looking, the way he touched his glasses when he was serious, they was he scrunched his nose when he was confused, When he got loud as he won, they way his muscles felt when they wrestled, his victory dances.

There was no competition.

He was worth it.  
***  
Jasons P.O.V

"FUCK!" Percy screamed landing on the floor dramatically.

He had lost again at mario Bros.

"Get up dick head your wrinkling my clothes."

"You mean the dirty ones strewn about your room?"

"Shut up."

"As you wish." The music was pounding some horrible song from 2006 and Thalia was yelling in the kitchen about something burning. Despite all the noise everything went quiet. He sat on my bed now cross legged smiling and holding up a old journal.

Fuck.

Fuck.

Fuck.

Fuck.

"What's this?" He asks feigning innocents.

"Probably Thalias." I try to shrug it off but my face is burning.

"Yeah, your right." He nodded his head enthusiastically, "Can I open it?" This time his voice was sincere, and made me blush harder.

"No."

"Ah fine." He placed it carefully on the bedside table and picked up the controller.

I waited for him to mock me, to rub it in my face, to reach back and look through it. But he didn't. He just nudged me gently and indicated to the game.

Then gently five minutes later he whispered bending in close enough for me to hear him over the music, "I think it's cool,"

I contemplated what he ment, The video game? The journal? Both? Niether?

"What?" I whisper back.

"That you brave enough to write it all down." He shrugs nonchalantly making our shoulders touch.

I didn't say anything, I was in shock. My heart was beating and my mind racing, I wanted to kiss him, to hold his hand. Then as I was imagining what his hands must feel like I lost.

"HELL YES!" he screamed louder this time,

"DON'T FUCKING CUSS!" Thalia screamed back.

"I DON'T FUCKING LOSE!" I screamed somewhere in between.  
^^^^

The stars shone above us like small crystals. His arm was against mine, our hands intertwined.

"Jason?" He whispered into my ear, then more urgently, "Jason?" I opened my eyes and found Percy peering down at me, tears were carassing his fragile cheeks, his eyes were red and his lips quavered.

"Percy, What's wrong?" I sat up and without thinking I pulled him into a hug.

He held onto me like I was the source of his life, he cried into my shoulder. Pain rushed up and landed in my throat.

We sat like that until I could no longer see the stars in my mind, to the point where I couldn't feel the softness of his hands, only his head buried in my neck.

"Jason." He whispered when the sun started creeping across the room.

"Percy."

"I sorry." He had stopped crying and now was sitting up properly wiping his eyes.

"It's okay."

"I-it was a dream," I nodded. I knew exactly what had happened.

"You were triggered. It happens."

Then before I can think about it were hugging again. The weight of my body against mine brings a smile to my face.

"Thank you." He whispered.

^^^^

The sunlight hit my back with a sharp pain. It was the dead of winter yet here I was out in the sun. Sweat beaded down my back and across my shoulder blades. My legs burned and my throat was on fire.

Music was blaring in my ears and the world was blocked out.

Percy was on my mind, along with a thousand other things. That's the thing with ADHD there is no 'one thing' on your mind. It's either nothing or everything.

Minutes flew by, time was nothing. All I could feel was the burn in my lungs, all I wanted to feel was something besides pain.

Running was my escape.

Cutting was Percy's.

It was to much to handle, I saw the scars yet he pretended like they didn't exist.

I wasn't that dumb fucker.

I knew I needed to approach him. I needed to help him, but how could I take away someones escape?

Cutting is nothing like Running, I tell myself.

Cutting is unhealthy.

It makes me sick just thinking about it. The thought of Percy crying alone a blade gashing his skin.

I have to help him.

"Percy, can I talk to you?" I pause the game and turn to him.

"What? Yeah sure? What about?" His eyes were filled to the brim with fear.

"Percy, your... Scars." I gulped. His eyes bulged.

"What scars? I was a crazy child, real crazy. You should hear the stories," He laughed under his breath.

"Percy not those scars." But he dismissed me telling me that there were no other scars. Just those caused by childhood action.

After that he got better at hiding them. But not enough to see the fresh slices pulling at his sleeves. They got deeper. They got bigger.

It scared me, It made me want to take his pain away. Bear it on my own

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry this took me so long guys! Ooppps....


	3. Chapter 3

Percy P.O.V

I wanted to feel embarrassed, to think about it all the time. But I couldn't bring myself to care enough.

Yeah so what I cried in front of Jason? Guess what? He has a diary.

Gender roles these days.

And how I most literally hate them.

Don't get me wrong, girly girls are great so are manly dudes. But guess what? Not everyone is the fucking same fuckers.

So curse us to hell and walk away see if we care.

He was laughing, his eyes shining, his lips curled. He tossed his head back and cursed, the light filtered in through the trees.

"Jason. Shut up." I warned cautiously.

"Percy if you don't want me to laugh, then don't make jokes!" I nudged him roughly.

I do want him to laugh, I want him to laugh at all of my stupid jokes, and to hold my hand while we walk, and to hold me when I cry, Also I want him to wear that fucking pink shirt more often. Fuck.

"Where to?" He asked nudging me back,

"Space." He nodded appreciated.

"Done. See the stars?" he pointed to a bed of white flowers, "And the moon," A building far off, "And the sun." The literal sun.

"The Sea." I jumped excitedly as I said it,

"The fish," A group of jogger, "The reef," Flower and trees, "sand," The dirt. I laughed trying to calm my nerves and not stare at his smirk, "I think your a little obsessed with the Ocean."

"My mum used to say my dad was Poseidon." He didn't pause at the mention of my mother, not like everyone else did.

"Thalia says my mum was a star," He smiles looking up into space, "She had her own world. My dad was a god, he controlled the skies. They met on the moon." He blushed slightly and smiled up at me.

That fucking two inch height difference. This boy is going to kill me.

"My mum used to make me blue cookies." I smiled up at him and barely stopped myself from grabbing his hand.

"Thalia says mum took us to Disney World everyday."

"My dad had to go across seas, That's why I never knew him."

"Thalia says our dad had to go fight wars, in the galaxies, he was a warrior, he was a king."

"Did you ever meet your dad?"

"No. He left before I was born, and my mum was always gone when I was little... Then she, you know." He shrugged helplessly.

"Yeah." My voice comes out as a whisper.

His father was the king of the sky, that's why he holds galaxies in his eyes.

"You ready for breakfast, Thalia is gone on a breakfast date. Maybe we can make blue pancakes?"

"Blue! Pancakes! Oh My Gods Jason are you trying to make me fall in love?"

It was meant as a joke. It was meant as a fucking joke. Please God let him know it was meant as a bloody joke.

"Maybe I am." He laughs and then shouts, "Race you home!" And he was off.

His father fought wars throughout the galaxies, that's why he can win me through the simple things

^^^

HE CAN FUCKING COOK. I'm fucking dead.

I poured a generous amount of cold syrup ("Jason it's better cold. Fuck you.") On the stack of pancakes they had collected.

"Quiz!" Jason said bluntly,

"Shoot."

"How many times have you ever had blue pancakes,"

"One trillion."

"Nice answer." He bit into the pancake stack.

"How many girlfriends have you fed these pancakes?" His mouth hangs open slight.

I regret it all at once. Self sabotage.

"Um..." He is bright red, then his phone rings and he jumps up answering all in one fluid motion.

Regret fills me slowly. Why? I Take a deep breath and try to stop blushing.

Jason is straight.

Jason is straight.,

Stop pretending otherwise.

^^^

It only took five minutes for everything to be normal again. We ate and talked, we played video games and he won, we watched T.V and I got to pick the channel.

Then without warning it was night.

I called Grover and warned him I wasn't going to be there, he simply replied "Sleeping with your boyfriend again. I want the details." So I hung up on him and tried not to blush.

When I got back to his bedroom he was slipping off his shirt (He never slept with one) and I was yet again forced to think about other things.

"So your staying?" He was putting on his nighttime socks,

"Am I invited?" I threw a dirty shirt at him.

"Only if you don't get into my bed with dirty clothes."

Jason and his weird pet peeves.

"Deal." I grabbed a pair of his sweatpants and a loos tank top and looked to make sure his eyes were transfixed on something else. This time it was a small earing that had been bent. Probably one of mine.

I changed quickly and turned around to find him extremely interested in the earing and his cheeks rosy pink from what must have been moonlight.

"Think I should get one?" He holds up the small black earing to his ear,

"Fuck yes. Then we can be matching." And you'd be so fucking hot with an earing. Please. Now.

It was night, but his smile lit the whole room up.

***Jason P.O.V

I loved watching Percy.

I know it sounds all creepy and stalker like.

But honestly, the way he uses his hands when he talks, or how he smiles to himself, When he scrunches up his nose when he's tires, the way he growls like a five year old playing dinosaur when he is frustrated.

It's completely terrifying how hard I fell. And scarier that I haven't hit the bottom yet, and still somehow know what it will feel like.

Percy lays beside me dramatically licking his lips and smiling at the ceiling.

"Was your dad really a warrior of the sky? Is that where you get it from?" He looks a little shocked to hear his own voice.

I think about the answer, I never knew my dad, and the childhood stories Thalia has told me seem false as hell.

"No, he isn't Percy." I shake my head still staring at him, "Where I get what?"

"Uh... You know, all your strength or whatever."

"You think I'm strong?"

The room is dark and I feel like I'm suffocating,

Danger! Evacuate immediately! To far fucking Jason!

"Oh yeah! You can like lift weights and whatever, and you can calm me down from any situation..." He trails off and turns to look at me,

His eyes are a different world completely, I could get lost in them. Maybe that wouldn't be so bad, getting lost among the greens and golds held in him. Maybe it would be wonderful.

"I've dealt with a lot of troubled people." I don't mean to whisper, I don't even mean to say it.

"Yeah? Like yourself?" He's whispering into the dark.

"Yeah."

Or maybe it would be hell.

"Why are you in therapy, what happened?" His words were soft, coated in something inhumanly beautiful.

"I was a mess." I sigh, "I was a bomb waiting to explode. My sister... She found me, bloody and practically dead." He takes my hand as a sign to continue. Electricity runs through my veins, my heart skips a beat, and I relish the feeling of his soft hand in mine, "I was hospitalized, barely saved. They said I was lucky. I didn't think so."

"Are you glad you survived?" Suddenly I'm aware of my fingers running across his scars. Even the thought of Percy bloody and broken makes me want to save his world. To save him. So I tell him the truth.

"Every day of my life."

^^^

I'm not sure when it happened.

I'm not sure who started it.

But after that night it was normal.

He would hold my hand as we drifted between wake and sleep, we'd bump knees while sitting, he'd playfully punch my arm, I'd lay my head on his lap, we would 'Accidentally' fall asleep while playing video games in my bed.

I loved it.

It wasn't romantic, it wasn't sexual in any way, but the blood rush I got every time he touched me left me craving for more.

It was enough.

His easy smile made it enough.

He reached down to grab a bagel off my plate touch my arm as he did. Sparks flew under my skin.

Fuck.

"Oh, sure. Eat my food you pig." I sneer playfully at him.

"I will." He sits next to me. Thalia is (Attempting) To braid Phoenix's coily hair on the other side of the room.

"Sweetheart," Thalia says to me in false sticky sweet tones, "Won't you take this love fest into a room."

"Shut up Thalia." Percy and I say automatically blushing.

That's another thing I love. Percy blushing. He does it so frequently it makes me makes my stomach twirl in sweet colors. He bites into his bagel flashing his scars.

Thalia catches my eye and smirks knowingly.

'Fuck you' I mouth to her, she just smirks louder.

Phoenix grins knowingly and Percy looks utterly confused.

Stupid fucking girls.

"Darling," Percy's voice breaks the cold silence, "Do pass the sweetened squished fruits."

"Jam." I glare at him and his fake accent, "It's called fucking jam Jackson."

"Don't fucking cuss you dickhead." Thalia says under her breath.

"Oh, then do pass the sweetened grotesquely smashed fruit muscles called 'jam'."

"I can't be friends with you anymore."

But I'm lying, because I love it when he's like this, all fun and games. Truly happy. Not just putting on a show.

I'm not in love with Percy Jackson. I just love all the little things he does.

***  
Jason P.O.V

The stars were spread out above us, the night sky wrapped his arms around us, in eternal safety.

My cheeks were tinted pink and his hand was on my chest, His head on my stomach.

We were just laying there, just sleeping beneath the stars. It was peaceful, fulfilling. I was complete. No, I wasn't. I was hurting, I was crying begging for someone to was gone, but all that was buried for the moment. In that moment I was more complete.

Then a blinding light seared my eyelids and someone was calling my name, it sounded far off. As If it was underwater, as if it wasn't actually happening.

Then I opened my eyes and Thalia Grace stood above me eyes soaked in melancholy.

No.

No.

Fuck no.

Pain shot through me, It was bad. Whatever it was, it was going to tear everything apart. I just knew it.

"Hospital." She said again, "Hospital, Everything is alright he'll make it, he's asleep."

Confusion swept through my body, who? What? Why?

"Who?" I sat bolt right up at the news, I was sweating and my mind felt like thousands of tunnels I can't get to.

"Percy." She was strong and knowing in that moment, "Grover called, he said you'd want to come."

pain crept into every part of me, crawling into every crevice, I felt numb with it, I felt afire with it.

"What happened." I was already up, I was already changing, In my mind I was already there saying goodbye and crying over his cold body.

Just a second ago his head had been so warm against my skin, just a second ago everything was fine.

"I didn't get the details." She was rushing down the hall after me, grabbing the keys.

My hands were shaking, mind racing, pain escaping.

It was mum all over again. Except somehow worse, because I expected it to happen.

We drove in silence, fear pounding our skulls. She knew me well, she knew I didn't want to talk about it, she knew I was still begging my mind to wake up from this nightmare.

I didn't have time to contemplate what actually happened. It could have been anything, it could have been a fucking duck. I didn't care, he was in the hospital and Grover thought I should be there. I wouldn't need to be there if it was something simple. I wouldn't need to be there if a goose broke his wrist. In my rush I didn't think about Thalia saying everything was fine, I didn't want to get my hopes up.

Somewhere in the tunnels of my mind I had been waiting for this to happen, I had known I couldn't save him, My words never saved anyone.

I always thought the saying Actions speak louder than words was bullshit. Now in the morning light I'm rethinking it all. If only I had been there. If only I had saved him.

I can't save him. Just like I couldn't save her. Just like I couldn't keep him. Just like I can't save myself.

The hospital smelled lemon cleaner and brought back a thousand dirty memories.

I had wanted it to end.

Sometimes I still do.

But I don't want him to end, I don't want him to go away. I don't want to stop laughing, I don't want the electricity to die, I don't want him to die.

In that moment I could bring back a thousand memories smashed in the five months since I met him, and I can bring back a million memories before him. They just aren't as bright. They just aren't as Percy.

Room 131.

In room 131 he laid white as a ghost breathing heavily on a clean bed.

Grover sat teary eyed on the side of the bed, he looked at us blankly. Thalia began to cry, either from the reality of the situation or from the memories of our situation.

In room 131 I sat timidly holding back dark tears bouncing my leg, a hand on his warm arm.

In room 131 His wrists were stitched, his smile was a false shield of strength, his eyes wary. I didn't tell him he was lucky, I didn't tell him he was going to get better. I didn't tell him he would get over it. Because that would be a lie, That would be the same lie they told me.

I just kept my hand on his arm protectively and talked about all the normal bullshit, I just ignored it all, until he brought it up himself.

"I'm sorry." He said blearily. His eyes fluttered to his wrists sadly.

"It's okay."

"It's not. I lost control. I shouldn't have. I don't want to die Jason, I never have." That was a lie, we both knew it, everyone wants to die at some point. But I still held onto it, I still tried to make myself believe the white lies.

"Percy look at me," We were alone, his hand in mine sent electric shocks up my arm. I kept having to remind myself that he wasn't dead, That this wasn't a dream, "Please, please listen to me, I know your going to think I'm lying. But I'm not. I know that you think this is horrible. I know that even though you didn't want to die some part of your mind is wishing you had."

He looked shocked, I squeezed his hand slightly.

He isn't dead.

He is right here.

"Just promise me, next time you'll try to get to me. I know that it's practically impossible to tell people. But just, try?" This is what Thalia told me, this is what I promised so many years ago, "Percy, I love you. And I want to see you in a year, I want to see you survive. Promise me." I think I was crying but my mind was to focused on his unwavering eyes to care.

He wasn't crying. He wasn't yelling. He wasn't anything. He was holding it all back.

"I promise." His voice was quiet, uncertain. It was wavering and cautious. But it was there.

He whispered something else, something short and sweet, but it was lost in the sudden commotion. People were filling the room, Thalia and Phoenix, Grover and his parents, Nurses and doctors.

In room 131 Percy promised to live.

***


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys for all the sweet comments *.^

Percy P.O.V

The thing was, I knew I should have felt something. Whether it be shame or guilt, or any other insane emotion that would eat me alive. But I wasn't. I didn't.

All I could think was that this was how my mum felt, right before death, all those times she kissed her killer. This is how Jason felt, however many years ago when he barely survived. It's that sweet disconnected feeling, like it's all happening to someone else, and you just get to feel the consequences.

While I sat in the Hospital for 24 hours, I realized that time was a fragile thing. It was a breakable thing. And I could break it. I could stop time. I could stop my time. I could stop there time. All I needed was a gun.

I also realized I don't want time to stop, I want to see Grover smiling while stuffing his face with enchiladas on Fridays, I want Jason to whisper to me in the dark, I want to wake up to the smell of something baking professional in the kitchen.

I wanted to live.

I lied to Jason yesterday, I told him I didn't want to die, and in return he told me he loved me. Of course I'll never admit to wanting to die. I could never.

I know he didn't mean it like that, I know he meant it like a brother. But that only made the wound sting more. It was salt in the cut.

He told me he loved me, and I said it back. A whisper into the air, a scream into the wind. But he didn't hear or chose not to. Either way the words were forgotten. Discharged.

"Percy. Can you hear me?" Jason was whispering into the thin air between us. He had refused to leave, he had slept in a chair beside me.

"Yeah Jace?" I didn't want him to say it, whatever 'it' was. I just wanted him to sit on the side of my bed like this. I just wanted to stop time.

"They said there going to put you in rehab." He was shivering, probably not from the cold, probably from the heat of his memories.

"I know. I don't want to go, I didn't want to die." I seemed to be saying that a lot today. Lying a lot today.

"Percy," I jumped slightly at his snappy tone, "That's a lie. We all know you wanted to fucking die! Whether it be in the moment or before or after or whatever!" He sits up straight and snatches his hand away.

Anger flows through me. This isn't Jason I try to remind myself. He's triggered, or tired, or both. Something has happened, memories have ruined him. But I can't seem to get the point across, and my head pounds with a new found false hatred.

"Fuck you Jason. Just because your angry at yourself for being weak doesn't mean you can take it out on me." I spit ruefully.

My minds cloudy, there's blood in my ears. I can feel every beat of his heart, his eyes sting into my figure, something dark and uncanny boil beneath the surface.

"Shut up!"

"No, Jason. You-Your-"

"I'm what Percy? I'm weak? I'm bloody weak for wanting to leave this fucking life?" He stands up abruptly making his chair wobble and clatter to the ground. The sound echo's around the room darkly, pain releasing both of our wounds.

"Yes." I whisper. I don't care anymore, I just want him to hurt. I just want him to feel guilty over lashing out, "At least I didn't want to die."

"Don't fucking lie to me you bloody tosser."

"Get out." I growl menacingly, "Get out."

"Did you think you could make it all better by lying? Did you think it would all disappear? It doesn't ever go away Percy! It never will!" His voice cracks rising horridly fast."

"Were two different people! We don't have the same memories, we don't share the same future. How do you know I won't get better? How do you know I didn't want to die?" Anger boils in my veins, it creeps up my throat threatening to suffocate me, "Believe it or not Jason Grace, I don't need you. I can survive on my own."

"You-"

"Go to hell."

"I'm already there." His voice is harsh but not loud anymore, and in the dark his glasses shine, for a split second I feel shame filling my limbs.

But then he leaves. He slams the door behind him and I can his breath break as he begins to cry. Then all is silent. And hours later when I'm laying in bed alone I realize my mistakes. To late, much to late.

^^^

Jason doesn't visit me the next day. He doesn't text or call.

And some sick part of me is glad, is approving of his silence. He was wrong, he deserves to sleep alone, to fall apart on his own. But the majority of me is human.

It's not like I miss him. It's not a sick feeling in my stomach. It's the anxiety accompanied by the thought of it being over. It's the pounding of my heart when I hear his name, the pounding in my head every time I imagine my days without him.

Okay. I miss him. I miss him so fucking much, but I lie. I seem to be getting good at that. Lying through my teeth.

Grover isn't much help. He still can't look at me straight. From what I've gathered he's the one that found me. From what I gathered they are sending me away. That last part may have been the anxiety, it's hard to tell them apart lately.

A lot of people say that when something bad happens time slows down. I disagree. Time sped up and before I was aware of it I was in rehab.

The walls were a sickening yellow, the food was either to salty or to bland, there were only spoons, I had to sleep on my own in a cold bed, I could hear through the walls, the showers were cold. Life was misery for two weeks.

I got one phone call a day, and it was usually to someone like Mrs. Underwood, since I still couldn't hold a conversation with Grover. I had group therapy with a bunch of freaks, one boy was convicted of killing a dog with a butter knife, another girl had supposedly tried to drowned herself in a puddle of pudding.

Of course these were roamers. We were all there for the same reason. Some had stitched wrists, some had scars around there necks, others were short of breath. Some had drowned themselves, others had shot there chests. It was a life full of depressing stories.

It was supposed to help.

It didn't.

By the third day I was itching for something sharp. I scratched my arms, I bit my hands, I punched my knees. Then I put on my white clothes and walked around like I owned the place. When really the experience was destroying me.

I missed them. I missed them all so much. I longed for lengthy chats with Grover, for delicious diners with Mr. and Mrs. Underwood. But I still got to see them every four days. I couldn't meet there eyes, I couldn't stop fidgeting under there pitying gazes. But I got to see them.

I didn't get to see him. I missed his easy smile, his frequent laugh, his jaw breaking voice. I missed his warm hands on mine, the heat crawling under my skin.

The truth was I didn't just miss him. I needed him back. I needed him to forgive me, and my stupid mouth, I needed him to hold me as I wept. I needed him to help me through it.

But he was done with me, He was 100% done with my bullshit.

It hadn't been the first fight we'd had, but it was the first one where I called him weak, where I just wanted him to feel the pain. It was the first one we'd left unsettled.

It was in some ways the worst, the most hurtful. But there had been others, gods so many others. So why was this one so different?

Anger began crashing my system, Why did he react so horribly? Why did he lash out so loudly? Why'd he say it all?

Why'd he be so real?

Why's he have to be so right?

Somewhere deep down I knew I was being irrational, this was pathetic. But I'm human, I can't be perfect, I can't even be mildly okay.

Clearly I was not mildly okay, I was in rehab for cutting my wrist.

I was a troubled kid. And I needed his help. But he wasn't there. He wasn't ever going to be there again, not unless I fixed it.

I (Semi) knew that the result of the fight shouldn't have been so dramatic, but I also knew that calling Jason Grace 'weak' for any reason, especially for not being able to fight was, Was insane.

Go to hell.

"Percy Jackson, Right?" His voice was light and a bit timid. I turned around eyes wide,

"Hello," I was staring face to face with Ethan Nakamura.

I'm already there.

They were to close for comfort, he wanted to take a step back, but he felt numb. Not the good kind.

Fuck you Jason Grace.

I could feel Ethan's breath, and he begged his legs to move.

"Are you okay?" Ethan stepped back but not far enough.

I can see the flecks of gold in his eye. I realize to late that I need to stop crying. My heart races, I could feel every beat of it, My breath was heavy and heated, I wanted to tear something apart, I wanted to cry in someones arms. I needed help. I didn't want anyone to see me like this. I couldn't breathe, but that was okay, because I don't think I want to.

***  
Jason P.O.V

It seemed stupid. Being this helpless without him. It seemed like something that would happen in the story books.

Yet somehow, It's happening and I'm sadly not in a story book.

I keep replaying his words, 'Weak', 'Hell', 'Fuck'. The thing is, it shouldn't have hurt as bad as it did, It shouldn't have stung like that. But it did.

I don't know what happened, I lost control, I wasn't in control. The hospital brought back a thousand memories, all of which are dreadful. It temporarily made me someone else, my temper was spiked, My energy lowered. It was a miracle I didn't end myself in the E.R.

It isn't the first time it's happened, that I've been triggered like that. But it's the first time I couldn't control myself.

"Jase? Bro, Phoenix made Shepherds pie." I lift my head gradually keeping one eye on the video game,

"Shepherds pie?"

"Yep."

"... Bring me some?"

"Only if you swear to stop playing video games for half a second." She folds her arms and leans against the wall,

"Yeah, Yeah. I promise and all that shit." She smiles and disappears into the kitchen.

I miss him, But I also missed Phoenix's Shepherds Pie. Not as much of course. Not even fucking close.

But it's a comfort food. I try not to think about the fact that both of the girls know it's my comfort food. I try not to think about the fact that I'm probably acting like a mopey teenager after a breakup.

Screw that. I'm a mopey teenager after a suicide attempt.

"Hey Sparky." A plate of steaming Pie was placed on my bed,

"Hello Nixxy."

"I'll kill you." She smiled down at me and the room turned honey sweet. Phoenix had a nice smile. One you automatically trust. Those kinds of smiles are dangerous, you don't always want to know all the secrets of the universe. Sometimes you want to be innocent. But with a smile like that Phoenix will never be.

"Do you wanna talk about it?" Thalia sat down next to me. I smacked her hand away as she went to steal my food.

"I don't know." I sighed.

It was the truth, I didn't know. I knew it would help. Talking with Thalia and Phoenix always helped. But every time I thought about it, thought about Percy suffocating in those small dark rooms, I just can't. I'd been there, I'd been forced into the pristine life before I was ready for a messy one. It was impossible. It was insane.

"Have you talked to him?" Nix asks biting into her own plate.

"No. I can't call, and he hasn't called me. Grover won't tell me anything."

"Do you miss him?" This was Thalia, she didn't like this romantic stuff. She much rather ignore the whole ordeal. But she always talked to Jason about it, she always bit her tongue and pretended not to blush.

"Miserably."

"Do you want to go see him? We'll take you."

I could see him. I could surprise him. But how do I know he wants to see me? How do I know he ever wants to talk to me again? He thinks I'm weak for being depressed. Maybe he'd be glad to see me, maybe he'd jump into my arms and apologize. Or maybe he'd spit in my face and tell me to go to hell.

"I-I don't kno-"

"Just think about it Jace. We have time." Thalia patted my arm comfortingly, "You don't have to decide yet."

"Yeah... Yeah, alright."

^^^

Percy was destined to be in rehab for two weeks. Somehow those two weeks felt like three months in hell.

Gods I missed him.

It's unhealthy really. Only five months and I'm already so dependent.

"Jason!" Thalia yelled loudly whilst walking into my room.

"Thalia!" I shout back, barely looking up from my school work.

"Your friends are here."

And that's when I realized the biggest mistake of my life.

"Sup!" Leo Valdez dramatically falls on top of me,

"Boy's boys, chill out!" Piper McLean shrieks falling on top of him.

The biggest mistake of my life is being friends with touchy people.

The second biggest mistake of my life is being best friends with people that are sent away every summer for being evil kids. Six months. Six fucking months. They were sent away earlier this year because of a fiery car issue.

"So what's happened while we were gone?" Piper sits up and steals one of my chips, "Talked to Reyna lately?"

And then the third mistake is flung at me around a million miles per hour.

"No... But I did meet this boy named Percy Jackson..."

They don't know a fucking thing.

Literally.

"A... Boy?" Leo asks skeptically.

Not a thing.

"Yeah. He looks like he was created by a top hit author..." Anxiety bites through me. I knew I should have told them earlier, I know I should have come out smoother. But It's pressure. Somehow I know I'm overthinking this, of course they will accept me. But half of my mind is still screaming the possibilities.

They smile at each other.

"Fuck yeah!" Piper tosses a chip in the air and Leo catches it in his mouth, "So, explain it all. Do you like him? Does he like you? Oh my gods have you kissed?" She tosses another chip.

"Uh, Yeah I like him... A lot. But as far as I can tell he's straight. And actually were in a fight as of currently. It's a long story." She smiles at me and grabs my wrist loosely.

"Start from the beginning. We may have to go on a walk. My ADHD isn't going to tolerate this." Leo pipes up dramatically.

"True." Piper and I answer in unison.

So I tell them all of it (Almost). I leave out my own thoughts, How he's made of stardust, how he always smells like sea salt, his smile.

Some things are secrets not to be shared, but admired from afar.

^^^

Thalia P.O.V

The phone stirred me from my dreams. At first I thought it must be one of the Hunter of Artemis (The editing team I work on), but from answering it I gain knowledge I didn't think I wanted.

"Percy." I try to sound bitter. I probably succeed.

"Thalia. Is Jason here? I really need to talk to him." I could hear every note in his voice. His smile, his anxiety, his empty room, his depressing state, his mildly insane joy, his dimly crazy fear.

"He's actually gone to a friends house. You'll have to call again."

He had left about a half hour ago, Piper and Leo invited him, he didn't want to go.

I don't tell him that Jason has been moping around since there fight, I don't tell him that Jason cries louder now.

"Oh?" He asks timidly, "Do you happen to know when he'll be back?"

"Nope. You should really call more. We all miss you. I gotta go, I'm already late for work."

"Last I checked me going to rehab didn't change the whole time thing."

"Night shift." I supply dryly.

He sounds more at home chatting like this. More like the Percy I grew to know. Less like the Percy who is in Rehab.

We chat quickly before I go, I'm usually not a chatter, but I make accept-ions. Sometimes.

"Bye Seaweed brain."

"Bye Pinecone Face." He snaps his voice effectively, but I can feel his smile through the cords.

God this house missed him, God this house missed having a real family.

The dark night is lit only from the moon, barely shining around the clouds. My breath catches in the cold, Autumn. School started just last week, Jason was yet again sent to a public boarding school down the road. It isn't a far run, so he still spends most nights with me cooped up against the cold. But some nights he isn't home. He isn't here to fight the memories.

It was only two simple days. One night. But she couldn't take it. She couldn't take care of him. Not even then. The cold nights always bring me back to the moment I realized I had to leave. The exact moment I knew I wasn't going to be able to protect him on my own.

It was a simple plan, we didn't have a phone, and we lived miles off the grid. But I needed help. I wanted to take him with me, but he was so young, only seven. He wasn't going to make it in the cold, he wouldn't have been able to make the dreadful walk.

I made him food for three day and helped him hide it in our closet, I showed him how to lock the doors and I packed a small bag in case he needed to escape to our safe place. I hid it all in our shared closet and told him not to talk to her. Reminded him I'd be back before the next night.

From what I can gather he was good. He stayed in the closet playing with his toys and eating PB and J sandwiches. But for some reason whether it be to piss or to drink water. Maybe his mind got the better of him and he thought it was safe. He left his hideout and she caught him.

That wasn't the only time I found him mangled and bloody. That wasn't the only time he almost died. But it was the worst because it was my fault.

^^^

Jason P.O.V

The night is lit only from the untouchable galaxies. Her face warms when she sings, his face falls when he hears it. Their close. So fucking close. Her voice is honey, his is a fire popping, she dances like late summer nights, he dances like cold winter mornings. She giggles slightly between verses, he just stares, looks at her with something most people don't have.

They swing together, their voices tracing across the land. Loud and beautiful, stunning and soaking in joy.

Her hands grow greasy from touching his, her hair flies wild from the wind. A smile never reaches his eyes, a slight escape from the pain he hides. She spins slipping slightly from the wet grass. So fast, so slow that you can almost imagine the dress twirling around her, the summer light dancing off her tan shoulder.

They fall onto the grass, he finally allows the laughter to over flow him and they lay in the wet grass breathless and dizzy from joy.

"We learned that one this summer." Piper says wiping her now greasy hands on his shirt.

"Aren't we fantastic." Leo smiles covering his sores.

"Wonderful." I answer smiling like a madman.

And it was true. They were fucking beautiful dancing together, like a ocean with a breeze.

"Come on Sparky, let's show her what we learned from Thals." Leo sits up and holds out his hand still greasy from some small project of sorts.

"Right, Yeah sure." The truth is I would never dance in front of anyone but them, and Thalia. Perhaps if he will ever accept I could show Percy. Perhaps I need to take Piper's advice and take a break from thinking about him. Just for the night of course.

Then were spinning, my feet moving involuntarily, he plays the boy, I play the girl. He spins me again and again, then lifts me slightly. My feet land firmly on the ground but I still feel like I'm flying. I can feel the breeze pick up and my arms spread out, I twist quickly, falling back into a speedy four step. And then just like that he spins me one last time and were on the ground again.

Just as quickly as it started it stopped. A longing fell over me. A longing that was bigger than dancing. A longing to be apart of something bigger, to be more than small town Jason Grace. To get away, not just away from this shitty town. But to get away from this shitty world. Away from the depression, from the love.

To get away to the Galaxies. To become a king of the sky, a warrior of the night.

***  
Percy P.O.V

Ethan's slightly wet hand was laced in mine sending waves across my skin.

"Good luck out there Perce." He whispered into my ear sweetly, "Don't die yeah?"

"I promise I won't die Ethan." I answer all to kindly.

His grip loosened and along with his smile. He was scared, to go home, to go back to the real world.

I wasn't.

"Okay. Bye." He kissed me slowly, it was an attempt at short and sweet, and sent my mind buzzing.

Kissing Ethan wasn't like I had ever imagined it. It was messy and wet and sent my stomach rumbling. Not in a good way either. Perhaps kissing wasn't my thing. Or maybe Ethan's a bad kisser. My heart raced with fear when I thought for even a second that I didn't actually like boys. Mostly because I knew I didn't like girls. And who would I like then? Maybe that wouldn't be bad, I mean there are a lot of people out there that just don't like that kind of stuff. But I wanted to, I wanted to like someone. It's dramatic I know. But I really do, not necessarily date someone. More like the flutter in my stomach, and the ever present buzzing in my mind. The feelings I get with Jason.

There was a small voice in my mind reminding me that I would never have that with Jason.

And there was an even smaller voice telling me that it was okay. I didn't need Jason. And I was fine without him.

It was true. I didn't need Jason. I didn't even know if I wanted him anymore.

"Bye." He calls it this time from his brand name car (Can cars be brand name?).

Then he was gone his expensive car flying out of the parking lot.

I wanted to leave. I wanted to get as far away as possible.

Ethan and I were two different kinds of alone. He was alone in the sense that he had everything and yet nothing at all. He was alone in the way of having half time parents and nannies as a child.

I was alone in the sense that I didn't have parents. I had nothing yet everything. I was alone in the physical sense. He was alone in the emotional one.

"Percy!" A voice called followed by a heavy hug.

"Grover." I was surprised to hear my own laugh.

"Fuck you've been gone long. I didn't think I'd eve-" He didn't finish his sentence. I wanted him to though. I wanted to know the ending of his words. Whether it was 'Ever be able to finish those cookies without you.' Or 'Ever forgive you.' I wanted to know.

But part of him didn't. So instead he said, "I'm fucking ready to go home." Weather home meant Grover's, or Jason's, or the town in general I didn't know.

Then we hugged again and we were off. Down the street where we found his old car parked in the shade.

"Mum and dad didn't come." He didn't elaborate. I didn't need him to.

The car was a wasted blue color, and reminded me of loud music and late night drives. It was a cautionary tale that car. One of broken speed limits and crisp summer nights.

It's name was Jubby.

We don't know what Jubby means. But it's fun to say. So the car is named Jubby.

"Dude. Are you just gonna stare at Jubby or are you actually gonna get in?" Grover pushed my arm with no real power.

"I don't know. Jubby's very pretty." My words drip with sarcasm.

"Don't make fun of my car man. Don't listen to him Jubby you are pretty."

^^^

The door slammed behind us.

In my defense I thought that was a fine announcement: Hey, I'm back from Rehab. I'll be in my room. Don't talk to me.

Apparently it meant: Yay Percy's home lets go snuggle him.

"Percy! Darling!" Mrs. Underwood shrieked taking up my arms in a dutiful hug.

"I'm so glad your back son." Mr. Underwood said. Calling me son wasn't anything peculiar, He just had a sort of obsession with the word.

This went on for twenty minutes. Then diner. Then room.

By the time I closed my door behind me I was done. I didn't want to deal with anyone. I didn't have the energy to talk anymore.

So I didn't call Ethan.

I called Jason.

"Hey, It's Jason Grace how can I fulfill your oral needs." His voice cracked lazily over the phone.

Accept it wasn't his voice.

It was lighter, and accented.

"Sorry?" I asked timidly.

This was Jason's number. It had always been Jason's number.

There was scuffling and a shout then it sounded like the phone fell, and finally a voice said rather irritated, "Jason Grace."

"Percy Jackson." I answered because It was Jason.

"Fuck? Percy?" I could hear the smile in his voice.

"Yes good sir it is fucking Percy." The line was quiet, there was something like a car door in the background then a couple more doors being slammed before he answered.

"Sorry, I was entering my domain."

"How are you?"

"Meh. You?"

"Meh."

"Are you back for good?"

"I'm back for good." And I smiled into the phone, because I didn't have anyone else to smile to.

"Do you want to come over?"

"Tonight?"

"Any night."

"If you don't hate me."

"I don't think I ever could." My stomach lit up with smoke, butterflies flew around inside my mind.

"Don't get dramatic on me Jace."

Then the phone goes silent.

^^^

The door was unlocked, so I knocked once then opened it up.

Butterflies danced in my mind.

I had done this before. I have done all of this before.

I've walked down this hall.

I've slipped my shoes off in the kitchen.

I've laughed at the ugly cat painting.

So why did it feel so different? Why did my stomach churn? My fingers were cold as if blood wouldn't flow past my wrists. I heard Jason call from his room, but I couldn't understand what he said.

His door was unlocked.

He was laying on his bed in his fine shorts and wife-beater.

His eyes glowed. His smile was wide and caring, his cheeks were tinted a soft sweet pink.

The feelings all rushed back.

Fuck.

"Jason." I smiled falling onto the bed beside him.

"That's all I get? Jason?" He smiled over me, his hair was a mess, his lips were bright and so very kissable.

You have a boyfriend.

But then it didn't matter, because my mind was all skin to skin, Heart to heart. His hair fell in my face and his chin wrested on my shoulder. His arms couldn't fit all the way around me because of the bed, so he wrapped them around my shoulders.

My heart dropped into my stomach, My mind fell over and over again. He smelled of mint and cheap soap. Like Jason.

"Fuck." He whispered against my skin. Shivers ran across my veins,

"Fuck?" I asked into his blond hair.

"I missed you so goddamn much Percy." He lifted himself off of me and suddenly the world wasn't as bright.

"I missed you to."

He sat above me on his elbows. My eyes wandered to his soft lips. And then I was fantasizing, his sweet lips pressed into mine, in a slow sweet kiss.

Reality hit hard.

You have a boyfriend.

"I have news." I shook him off and sat up properly, "I've got myself a boyfriend." The words tasted bitter sitting here in his room. They seemed fake. Not as important.

A thousand emotions fell across his face, his voice was calm and collected and so Jason when he said, "Wow! Who?"

So Jason.

So real.

I tried not to be disappointed. I tried to stop imagining him confessing his giant crush to me.

But I couldn't.

"His names Ethan." I didn't mean for my voice to crack. I didn't mean for any of this.

"That's cute." He was quiet for a moment, a silence to overwhelming it hurt, "I didn't know you liked boys."

"I didn't know you cared."

"I do." His voice slipped into a whisper for a split second, "I mean it's fine, really. I just... Never mind." He smiled again.

My bones rattled, his face was sunken sleep deprived. Beautiful in some sick way.

Fucking beautiful anyway.

He smiled again.

And again.

Again.

Again.

I couldn't bring myself to return the favor. I couldn't stop my eyes from ogling at his hands, from replaying the feeling of his lips against my skin.

In my dreams those hands were in my hair, and those lips were purposefully creating shivers.

In my dreams it wasn't like this.

Whatever this was.

***


	5. chapter 5

Jason P.O.V

I tried to wrap my mind around it.

Percy Jackson has a boyfriend.

Percy Jackson is gay.

I've been a fucking tard this whole time.

Fuck.

Fuck.

Fuckidy Fuckiler.

Percy moves slowly in my arms. He had been snuggled against me for what felt like hours and no time at all.

The sun was creeping up against the town, I was drowning.

He moved again and I brushed his hair out of his face. Don't wake up. Stay here forever.

"Jason?" His voice hummed with early morning grogginess.

"Yeah?" sound sure and steady. Sound like Jason.

"Hey." I smiled into his back. His skin was warm and fragile, like if I blew to hard I could ruin it.

"Hi."

We laid like that for a while, both knowing full well we shouldn't be. Both knowing this is against the rules of friendship. Both doing it anyway.

I put to memory the way his skin felt beside me, the way he moved his foot to an imaginary beat, the way his breath matched mine.

My head spun.

He turned around and suddenly we both knew we were to close. Gone to far past our imaginary rules.

I felt like I was suffocating.

He smiled at me crookedly.

My ears were warm.

He whispered something I didn't understand.

I held my breath.

"Can I ask you something Percy?" My words were so close to his. Inches apart.

"Anything Grace." My heart sped up when he called me Grace. My heart always did. He smiled again and before I could think at all my lips pressed gently to his.

Warmth carried through my body like fire. His lips were salty and soft. My eyes flew open to find his already wide eyes.

He kissed back.

Lightning queued in my shoulders, tension made my knees shake, sparks destroyed every living cell in me.

This was wrong.

This was so good though.

I pulled back.

A thousand emotions cascaded through his face. His eyes had fluttered shut, his lips were red from being kissed, his cheeks were crimson.

Beautiful.

"Anything Grace." He whispered again.

"Was that okay?" My heart was hammering, My eyes stinging. Embarrassment had settled in my gut accompanied by the dearest anxiety.

"Fuck." He whispered his eyes still closed, "Jason."

"I'm sorry. I really- I just didn't know how- I." But he stopped me with a hand, fingers intertwining with mine.

"It's okay. It's fine." He opened his eyes slowly and smiled crookedly.

"Are you sure? Can we just forget this ever happened. Fuck." I took a deep breath. I didn't want to forget. I never wanted to forget.

"Yeah." He wasn't whispering anymore. He was sitting up and running a hand through his hair, "Yep. It's already gone."

^^^

Percy was on the phone.

Which was extremely odd, since Percy hated being on the phone. I always made our conversations short and to the point. Because I knew he would way rather talk face to face.

"Yeah. Mhm." He was nodding along staring up at the fantastic kitten painting (Space Kitten by Jason Grace 7 years old.)

"Blue pancakes. Pancakes. Pancakes on a Sunday. Sunday Funday. Yeah..." Phoenix sang (off tune) while dressing her blue pancakes.

"Jackson?" I asked timidly peeking out at him.

"Grace," He held the phone away from his ear and smiled at me.

"Pancakes?"

"Five."

"Syrup?"

"Cold you dumbass." He laughed slightly.

"Your a sick man Percy Jackson. A fucking sick man." I shook my head, pulling back into the kitchen.

"Don't fucking cuss you dipshit." Thalia said hitting me over the head.

It was perfect.

Thalia kissed Phoenix lightly and stole a piece of pancake, the light filtered in through the shades, misty and chilly, I created a smiley face on Percy's pancakes with blueberry's, Percy's voice was soft and sweet out in the hall.

It should have been perfect. It should have been one of those times I put away for when I need a happy memory.

But I just couldn't pay attention, I was going through the motions, I was creating a perfect stack of blue food, but my mind was all lips against lips.

"Ah, I see you have perfected the Blue Stack." Percy mused stealing a blueberry.

Just like he promised, his mind wasn't on the kiss. It was forgotten.

Which hurt... A lot.

"I see your still stealing my fucking food Jackson." I smack his hand away and grab a couple forks.

Nix kissed Thalia again and Percy whispered to me, "Get a fucking room."

"Legit." I answered flipping the (Now burned) pancakes, "Mind if I ask the obvious?"

"It was Ethan, on the phone." He answers looking down slightly.

"Oh." I aloud myself to blush ever so slightly, guilt overturning my stomach, "Are you going to tell him?"

He looked at me and my stomach flipped for every other reason, "No. I don't reckon I will."

I nodded in approval ignoring the flaring lights in my eyes.

I jumped when Percy touched my back lightly, pity crept into his throat when he whispered, "Fuck," ever so lightly.

"Fuck." I agreed, not sure what we were agreeing on.

^^^

Grover smiled triumphantly at me.

"I win asshole." He said raising an eyebrow before stealing Percy's chip.

"Clearly douche." I answer also stealing a chip.

"Can't a fucking man eat his fucking chips in fucking bloody silence you fucking bloody poofs." Percy cried slapping my hand away as I reached for another.

Everyone was silent for a second.

Two.

Three.

Then: "I didn't know you were so ducking talented Jackson." Grover breathed out gently, "I think I'm going to cry."

"Ducking? I gave you that and you give me ducking?" Percy paused, "I thought you were a good cusser... Not ducking."

"Auto-correct." Grover answered laying back slightly. I watched as Percy's head snapped back and he spilled out a gallon of laughter.

"This is a verbal conversation." I said quickly grabbing a chip.

Grover stood up and took a soda off of the bedside table, drinking idly.

Percy scooted next to me his arm barely touching mine.

"Yeah I know. I just have always wanted to say that." Grover answered coolly, "It's fun you should try."

He tossed the now empty can in the trash and said a easy goodbye before leaving the room.

"Wanna die?" Percy whispered hoarsely.

"Some day." I mused, "But not yet."

"I meant on the video game."

"So did I." I smiled over at him and took his hand frailly, not to scare him.

"How do you want to die... In real life?"

"I want to find my dad, out in the galaxies. Then I don't care how I die." He side squeezing my hand, "What about you?"

"I think I'd rather drowned. It seems peaceful."

It really didn't, I think we both knew that. We sat in silence. A comforting silence.

My mind was fueled my the feeling of his lips on mine this morning.

"What happened?" He didn't have to elaborate. I knew.

"It was a gun. I just couldn't handle it." I sighed, "I wanted it to end. The gun was there."

"Fuck." He looked at me in the eye, "Did it hurt?"

"Like a bitch."

"Do you have a scare?" His eyes traced my body, as if he could see through my clothes trying to find the souvenir.

"On my chest, it's small," I lifted my shirt up over my head and pointed it out gently.

He traced it lightly with his finger tips, then held his left wrist up.

"Were fucked up Jason."

"The best kind are."

^^^

The week crept by, I shared four classes with Percy and Piper, the other four were shared with Nico Di Angelo and a very angry Leo, (He was our new frustrated gay. The reason (And solution) Was Nico Di Angelo)

It evened out surprisingly well, I got a dose of 'I know exactly what's happening but I'm not paying attention anyway' (Leo/Nico) and a dose of 'I have no idea what's going on but I've gotta get to grades so...' (Piper/Percy).

I shared a couple classes with the ever loving Annnabeth Chase as well, but in those classes she was at the top so I ignored them.

Jealousy snatched at my lungs every time Percy stalled in the halls to talk to Ethan, they were always short conversations usually ending in a awkward Percy.

But that didn't stop me from wanting to punch in Ethan's throat.

"Hi." Percy rounded on me, and if his creased eyebrows had any indication not happily. Ethan stood behind him looking rather conflicted, head bouncing against the lockers.

"Hey, Perce." I bump knuckles opting not to hug him in front of his boyfriend.

"Heading to English?"

"Of course dumbass." He smiles crookedly.

"I'll join you... Dumbass."

He didn't kiss Ethan goodbye, didn't even wave.

A mountains crashed inside my heart. Emotions battled, pity, hope, guilt.

The school was small, antique, the stone wall kind. It smelled faintly of dirt and old spirits.

"Mind telling me?" I asked timidly touching Percy's arm.

"Just a fight." He sighed his pinky barely touching my palm.

Things had become... Different since our kiss. Somehow we had set a level of rules, one we only obeyed by when no one was looking. One that swore off touching, and answered to the name of 'Bro Code'. They had never been spoken out loud, and frankly never would.

I hated them more than I hated most things. Including Percy's new boy toy.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"I don't know." This time his pinky grazed my hand more purposefully, "I just didn't think we would be fighting so soon."

Soon.

What a complete shit word.

"It does seem weird. I mean you guys just got together last week for fucks sake." I shook my head slightly.

"I wonder if all relationships are like this."

Ours wouldn't be. I hope. I think. Probably not.

"I wouldn't know."

"Yeah because your to fucking gay for this world, and therefor can't get a relationship." He smiles mischievously a me.

I smiled back. He wasn't wrong.

"Touche."

"Grace?" He asked a little quieter as we approached the English Class.

"Jackson?"

He didn't say anything for a second, his breath was shallow and sweet in the air. His pinky rested comfortingly on my hand, his eyes glazed slightly.

"Sometimes I wish you would kiss me again."

****  
Percy Jackson P.O.V

My heart stopped.

I didn't look at Jason as I said it. I couldn't face the crimson cheeks, the wide eyes.

I closed my eyes and sighed, "Fuck." I whispered.

"Fuck." He groaned, "Percy your dating Ethan." I could feel his eyes melting into my back.

"I've noticed." I could sense his hands moving, ever so slightly.

"Don't do this to me. I know your not going to break up with Ethan, you like him." But his voice wasn't angry, it was desperate and sad.

"I know. But I like you to Grace." It was true, it had always been true, but it still came out a little strangled.

But it was also true that I liked Ethan. I really liked Ethan.

The bell rang again, kids jostled past us.

"Percy..." He didn't have to say it. I knew when I was about to be let down.

"It's fine Jason, I get it. Were a mess." I sighed, finally looking up. His eyes were trained on the floor.

"What if we kissed again. Would you tell this time?"

"...No," He looked up and smirked ever so briefly,

"You wouldn't tell him you cheated?"

"No." I said it more firmly this time, "Because if I did something would happen. Whether it be him breaking up with me, or forbidding me from seeing you. Something would happen. And I'm not ready for anything to happen yet."

"So if I kissed you right now, he would never find out?" His smirk was back, his eyes still tinted with sadness.

"Nope. But the rest of the school would." I gestured around faintly.

His ears turned frosty pink and his lips formed a silent curse. His eyes became hard and angry.

Then I was up against the wall and my shirt was twisted in his hands.

"Don't fuck with me Jackson. Don't fuck me up." He whispered hoarsely.

Anger tumbled down my spine, landing roughly in my stomach.

"'Fuck off me Grace." I pushed him back a little harder than I meant to. He landed to quickly on the ground, gaining balance once more and stood back up in one fluid motion.

His hand came down on chest fiercely, pain welled up and burst through my blood cells.

"Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!" hands were holding me back, the pain was releasing and yet increasing in my chest. My mind was blurry with red hot anger.

Then hands wrapped around my waist and a punch was landed on my cheek.

"Someone contain the blonde one!" A disembodied voice echoed.

I untangled form the arms just in time to duck another blow. I swiped at his feet kicking him to the ground with ease.

A scream echoed out and my breath sped up.

I wasn't thinking anymore, I wasn't feeling, just moving.

^^^

Jason got the worst of it.

At some point teachers and students pried us apart and got us calmed down enough to get into the infirmary.

At some point my fingers broke, his face bruised, my ribs ached.

He was a stronger, but I was a better fighter.

"Percy..." A voice roamed the room, "Are you awake?"

Had I ever been asleep?

A bruised and beaten Jason appeared in my vision, "Hi."

"Fucking hi?" I tried to steady my voice, "You just beat me up and fucking hi?"

A dark haired boy glared at me from across the room.

"You participated in the fight too Jackson." He bit.

"But I didn't start it. I was in self fucking defense. We were flirting Grace. Flirting! Last time I checked flirting had nothing to do with punching my face out."

"Listen Jackson, I messed up. Again. But I have my fucking reasons, I can't control my anger I can't do it. And when reality hits I can't escape it."

"What does that even mean?"

"It means I'm fucking pissed that your not fucking mine Jackson. It means I'm jealous as hell of Ethan. It means I miss your fucked up lips. Okay?" He ran a hand through his hair and closed his eyes.

"It means I fucking hate you sometimes because your so fucking difficult." He continues, "That I mess up because I can't control my own thoughts. I let myself think that maybe this would work out, but when the truth hit I couldn't take it."

When I didn't say anything he said much quieter, "Just don't fuck with me Percy, I can't handle it."

^^^

It was Ethan that kissed me next. Ethan that held my hand and checked my bruises. It was Ethan's hand that took a hold of my own.

But I didn't care.

I didn't care if he was there anymore because Jason wasn't.

Three days.

That's how long it took for me to realize that Jason was actually done with me.

"Hey, You still there?" Ethan's asked brushing his fingers through my hair. I hated it. I hated when people touched my hair.

"Yeah." I sighed.

Jason came into view like he did every morning, except this time he was talking to a pretty brunette girl. She looked like a goddess warrior wrapped in a loose sweater.

Jealousy burned at my limbs.

"I'll catch you later Ethan." I dodged his kiss successfully and walked straight towards Jason.

He looked up kindly, locked eyes with me and looked away. His friend laughed quietly, she glared at me sweetly then glanced back to Jason.

It was utterly disgusting how obvious she was being.

If I didn't know Jason was gay I would be worried.

"Grace. I need to talk to you."

"Not now Jackson. My wounds are still healing." For a second I didn't realize he meant to physical ones.

"And thanks to your fucked up fists so are mine." He smirked.

"Welcome." Catching himself just in time he gave the girl a pretty goodbye then walked over to me. Keeping his distance. Fucking with my mind. Giving me almost enough air to breath again. Almost.

"Is she your girlfriend?" I whispered after a moment.

"That's a stupid fucking question." He looked up to me and I couldn't breath.

"I know."

"What do you want?"

"I don't know. I can't survive in the world." He looked quickly down at my arms eyes widening at my long sleeves.

"Please explain so I don't flip the fuck out."

"I mean I hate it. Breathing, walking, talking." I sighed, "But I'm not hurting myself." I rolled up my sleeves and his touch left sweet thoughts tracing my mind.

My arms were clean though. Minus the scar and the bruise.

"Did..." He touched the bruise carefully, it was so close to my scar.

"No. You did that one." He touched it again, lightly running his fingers across it.

"I did that?" He looked up everything but fear ceasing to exist.

"It's fine. It doesn't even hurt. The ones on my face are worse." It was true, this one was simply from his fingers digging into my skin. I had suffered bruises like that since Gabe.

"But it's so fucking close to your scar Jackson."

"Grace, believe me it's fine." He was breathing heavier.

"It's not! I did that!"

I could tell he was diving head first into a pit, he was trying to breath under the water.

I pulled him into my arms, his body heaved against mine, sweet, dark, ruined.

"Grace. Grace. Listen to my voice, Your okay, your okay. It wasn't your fault."

The bell rang.

Kids left for the building, leaving us alone.

"I'm sorry." He whispered into my shoulder trailing butterflies across my skin.

He detached and looked up at me.

"I can't do this anymore. I have to go home."

"Do what anymore?"

"School dumb ass. Come with me. I don't want to be alone anymore."

I didn't know what exactly what he meant but I nodded and went anyway.

^^^"So... You don't hate me?" I asked when he sat on his bed.

"No. I was mad. Fucking pissed. But I don't hate you." He was happier now, the run had helped.

"Take off your shirt." I hadn't anticipated saying it outloud, I winced waiting for him to explode.

But he didn't, he just looked at me curiously and twisted the shirt over his head.

His ribs were dark, his chest beaten in.

I had done it.

I had bruised his skin, it was me that ruined his body.

But it didn't scare me like it did him, I loved it.

I didn't love hurting him, I simply loved the outcome. It was messed up. So fucking messed up. But it was the truth. 

He didn't move when I touched his ribs, didn't wince when I ran my fingers across his scar.

I liked his scar too, I loved how perfect it was. Round and pale, unforgettable.

"That stings." He whispered when I pressed my thumb into it.

"Still? After all these years?"

"It wasn't that long ago Jackson. And you hit it when we were fighting," I could tell he was calculating how much he should share.

I pressed on it again and he moved back slightly.

It didn't bother me like it should have.

"Can I kiss you?" I asked looking up, he nodded once.

Then I kissed his scar and laid down. He smiled down at me.

"Fucking loser." He whispered.

"Maybe Fuck should be our Always." He glared at me and then kissed my wrist slowly.

"Maybe you should shut up." But he was smiling.

I shrugged.

Damn I had missed this.

"Maybe I should. But I won't." I smirked, "If I actually kiss you are you going to punch me again?"

"Probably."

"Thanks for being honest."

He laid down next to me, our upper arms touching ever so slightly.

"I missed you asshole." I said.

"I missed you to... Asshole."

****Jason Grace P.O.V

His voice was lightning in my ear, a fierce sneer echoed around the room, his eyes danced with something unknown.

The music was blasting over the speakers but the people had left, most of them fled with the first gunshot.

"You did this Jason. You did this to yourself." He screamed, but the voice wasn't his.

Memories clouded my minds eye and suddenly it was no longer Percy standing in front of me, it was her.

She had a bottle grasped in her shaking hands long empty. Her eyes blank and watering from the pain.

I needed Thalia, I needed her to come save me, to take me away. The closet was to far behind me the window to far ahead. I was stuck in the middle ground of a battlefield.

My limbs ached in memory of her sharp hand like crashing waves against my skin.

"Where is the bitch? Did she finally run? Did she finally escape you little monster?" Her voice was steady and careful.

She had caught me, she had found my skin and run her hands through my hair, I could still smell the achred smoke and liqour of her ripped clothes.

A actress never to bloom.

A mother never always to wound.

I knew what was next, I wanted to duck out of her grasp, away from the sharp pains to come.

But I was frozen, unable to protect myself against the rage.

Her voice met my pounding heart what seemed like years later, a slow pitched aching witch's roar in the already red world.

"It's your fault Jason, you did this to yourself. To me."

I wanted it to stop. I wanted it to fade to grey again, to diseaper, I didn't care if it was forever or for only a moment. I wanted it to end.

"Jason," A far off voice rose to save me.

The a small light petrified the world and heavy hands landed on my body. Cold hands, so unlike her's, so safe.

"Jason, Hey, hey wake up."

When Percy's face finally dimmed into view my world tilted.

I jumped back away from his touch, "Jason, Jason look at me okay? I said look at me!" I forced my gaze away from the bloody sheets and up to the empty stare, "I'm not her, see? I'm not her, she isn't here anymore. Your safe."

A moment of silence lifted away the pain, my arms were shredded from my own touch, blood soaked the bed around us.

"I'm sorry," Was all I could say to his unmoving stare.

"Don't be. I love you and I'm going to keep you safe no matter what alright?" He reached out slowly as to touch my scare.

"Were messed up." I told his hand as it laid carefully on the wound.

"All the best kinds are." He smiled sweetly, watching as my finger graced his left wrist, "Are you going to the dance? Ethan wants me to go but I'm not really into the whole dancing thing..."

It was simple, an easy change in subject. A obviose slide of the rules, the'Bro code' If you will.

My mind flashed back to the blaring music, the empty floor.

"No."

"What are you going to do?"

"Sleep."

"That's depressing." He laughed darkly.

"I'm depressed."

"True." He smiled and the world flashed red, "Not for long though."

A promise played across his lips secrets hid in his eyes, and for a moment I couldn't breath. It was to much to take in.

"I love you too." His eyes blew wide and he gaped at me for a split second before realizing the previouse anouncment he had made, "Pancakes?"

He nodded not quit finding his voice yet. His thumb pressed hard into my scare making me flinch slightly, "Pancakes."

^^^

"Grace?" A voice ripped the breath from my lips.

"Fucking hell Perce." I answered pausing the horror film and tossing the remote.

"I didn't really scare you did I?" I laid back on my bed facing the door, the hall was empty and decidedly creepy.

"What are you doing here aren't you supposed to be at the da-" The words dyed in my throat as he stepped into my room.

Words failed me and time seemed to speed up, my stomach thumped rapidly in my throat and his eyes blew wide.

"Fuck? Do I really look that bad? I thought it was fine to be honest."

He patted down his blue button up shirt and my gaze tore from his eyes to the rest of him. He wore a sea blue shirt and black slacks, easy slip on shoes and messy hair.

"Uh." I swallowed suddenly lightheaded at the sight.

"Shit." He flung himself on the bed beside me and groaned.

"Just um by the way..." I took a deep breath to steady my rapid heart beat, "I'm really fucking gay."

He looked at me with a suspicouse smile and then fiegned innocents that just didn't match his bright eyes.

"Oh really? I never noticed. But I do look okay right? Becuase I am fully prepared to call in sick."

"In that case you look awful. Perhaps you should spend the evening here?" He laughed gently pulling at his hair.

"Nice try asshole." I smiled and leaned in until there was a breath between us, his eyes widened slightly at the suddenly nearness but was smart enough not to say a thing.

"My offer stands." I say into his skin, then quickly pull out my cigeret pack and toss it at him backing away easily.

He closed his eyes silently as I lit up, I could hear every one of his breaths even through the pounding in my ears.

The world faded and a new light shown breaking away my sudden courage.

"I didn't know you smoked." He said, eyes still closed menacingly.

"I don't." I answered taking a drag and blowing the smoke in his face.

He opened his eyes wide before picking the cigeret out of my hands and taking a drag himself.

"I didn't know you smoked." I mimicked.

"I don't." He blew the smoke into my face and leaned forward and slipped the cigeret between his teeth, "Now Grace," He poked my bullet wound roughly, "Don't forget this okay? We both know I don't repeat myself."

That in fact wasn't true, Percy did repeat himself a lot really, my thoughs tried to wander but I could still smell the cigeret tucked into his lips.

Then he kissed me, a slow short kiss, the cigeret dropped out oh his hand and he smiled against the kiss.

All to soon it was over and Perc y was standing up looking rather pale and not at all like he had.

"Grace?" He called before he slipped out the door,

"Jackson?" I asked catching my breath against the wall of hope building up in my chest.

"Don't forget yeah?"

^^^

It was almost one A.M when my phone rang, I was up analyzing everything and everyone in my life when it buzzed.

A simple text wrote, "Come gwt me."

Percy's number flashed on the screen and a second later he wrote, "Now Grace im drynk as fick and im st the schoool."

Before I realized exactly what was happening I was at the school, in retrospect I should have guessed he had fought with Ethan, but it still took me by suprise when I saw Percy with fresh bruises and bloody knuckles.

I'd seen Percy drunk plenty of times, but it never got old.

"Uhg! Finally douche get me out of here before I do something I regret." He said in a giggly voice slamming the car door without getting in.

"To be completly blunt it looks like you already did something you will regret."

"That's for tommarrow you prick." He pronounced every word carefully.

"So that blood isn't yours?" I ask gesturing vagually to his hands.

"Nooo! I'm not that stupid. I's Ethans." He opened the door again making a 'Swooshing' sound, "I wish it wasn't though, he was mean, but I don't know if he actually meant to hurt me... The first time."

First time, how long had they been beating on each other, and why did it take this long for Percy to finally call?

"Where is he?" I ask ignoring the thoughts pounding into my head with the rythm of my heart to weak to do it's job properly.

"Mhmm? Wait what? Oh I lost you on pizza. Do you think monsters eat dhonuts. I don't think they do, they're smarter than us right? They take care of there teeth. Maybe I should become a monster dentist. Probably make a lot of money." He laughed at himself then turned around and waved at thin air.

"Percy," I sighed, "Get in the fucking car." He dropped into the car loudly and turned to look me in the eyes.

"I like it when you say fuck. It's indearing." He smiled before kissing me on the cheek fragilly, "Now get me the fuck out of here Grace!"

^^^

Percy Jackson's sober smile was one of the kings.

His drunken smile was sloppy and a little bitter.

Honestly it didn't fit his personality at all, but it was all I ever got.

"I don't want to go to bed. Let's play vid-eo-ga-mes." He pronounced fondly.

"Jackson shut the fuck up." I reminded him but smiled all the same. It was nearing three A.M and I was running out of cigerets to distract myself.

"You nicer when I'm not drunk."

"Then don't get drunk." His wounds were wrapped carefully and he was sitting criss cross on my bed, a blanket pulled over his shoulders and a half smoked cigeret loose in his hand.

We had never smoked together before, I mean I had smoked around him. But not like this, not with the window open letting the breeze drift over us, not with his jittery hand in mine, not with his smoke in my face.

It was prefferable.

Percy was usually a dying firecracker, but like this he was anything but. His mood swings hit hard and fast, one second he would be happy talking about his ever need for a cyclops friend and the next he's be cussing out everyone on Earth.

It didn't make him nescarily fun to be around, but he talked more when he was drunk.

And I was more than content with sitting and listening, aside from the obligitory shut ups.

"Hmm. No. maybe you should just get drunk with me next time."

"Take me to the dance and I will."

"Noted." His smile didn't quiet reach his eyes, but it was a damn near thing.

He laid back making his knees pop up and stared at the cieling like his life depended on it.

His mind was fraying, he was falling into the abyss and gods know no one can save him if he falls to far. Or in other words, his mood was swaying and he was crashing hard against the alcohol.

"Grace?" His voice was hard on impact. He didn't look at me training his eyes straight above.

"Yes?" He worked his jaw in concentration, or maybe frustration.

"I don't think I-" Percy stopped, yawning loudly and laying back more comfortably he finished, "Nevermind Grace."

It took longer than normal to get Percy to bed that night. With liquor on his tongue and bruises coloring his skin it was a journey really.

And Jason didn't get to hear the rest of that sentence till that next Sunday; Time had gotten away from the boys as it often did on the weekends, and before either realized it Sunday was seeping into their time and taking up their house. Sunday breakfast with pancakes and burned toast, Sunday movies with action and a side telling of some heterosexual romance they both blocked out to the best of their abilities.

Thalia left as usual, leaving the boys to their own devices. And somehow they wound up stealing a bottle of wine from Thalia's (Very Very smalll) stash and giggling in Jason's room.

They were sitting a bit too close, backs against Jason's bed, arms touching, the half empty wine bottle at their feet.

"Grace?"

"Hm?"

"I want to get better." Percy's voice was just above a whisper, Jason barely caught it before it dissolved.

"You will."

"But I don't want to forget."

"You will want to forget someday Perce. I promise." They turned, head a breath from touching.

"I know."

Without realizing it Percy raised his left hand and pressed his thumb against Jason's scare. Just hard enough to hurt. Just hard enough to create memories.

"Were messed up Percy. Were fucked up. And I want to forget that. I want to forget the way her hands felt. The metal against my skin. But I can't and I know I won't. Sometimes, for a second every once in a while, it slips my mind. That I'll never be normal. That I'll always be ashamed to take my shirt off. But were messed up and we can't fix the passed anymore."

"Someone once told me that the best people are messed up."

Then they were smiling, because they had nothing else to do, they had no more tears to cry. So they smiled, and they laughed.

"Can I kiss you now?" Jason asked half breathless half tipsy.

Then in answer Percy kissed him, light and giggly, tipsy and hopeful.

The light shone through the window, a year of memories washed away their pain if only for the night. The future didn't matter to them, wether it be good or bad. Wether they forget or not. It didn't matter because for a little while at least they were happy.

^^^

"Boys!" Thalia's rugged voice pulled through their dreams, "Guys! Shit. Is that mine? At least it's the cheap stuff. Come one Nix is cooking."

Jason sat up holding his head steady, he was wearing his pale yellow shirt and somehow had gotten wine stained on it. Percy was harder to wake, he didn't take well to being hungover.

"Percy,"

"Gonna have to kiss me to wake me up Jace..."

"Get your ass up."

"Uhg you're no fun." Percy smiled his usually messy hair out of control and his eyes misty and stained from sleep.

The house was normally quiet on Monday mornings, the boys at school and Thalia getting ready for work. But today Pheonix was busy reheating blue pancakes and syrup, Thalia was flipping through channels in search of a good movie, and Percy and Jason were groggily laughing at stupid jokes.

"What about-" Thalia began looking into the kitchenmeekly.

"We aren't watching Brave." Jason interrupted.

"Ooh! Disney movies! Lets watch Nemo!" Percy squealed thanking Nix for the stack of pancakes she offered him.

"No." Nix answered.

"I think it's cute." Jason said looking kindly over to Percy.

"You make me sick!" Percy teased.

"Guys chill the gay were trying to eat." Thalia said slapping Nix's hand away from her own food.

Later that day, after they watched (Mostly laughed really) The original Blair Witch, and they were all stuffed with blue foods Ethan called.

It was a simple phone call, one in which Percy both hated and loved. The relationship was toxic and Ethan saw that, he knew that it was bad and he wasn't taking it. So they were through.

Percy didn't cry, but Jason still tried to comfort him, tried to hold him or whatever. Percy may have let him.

When Jason dropped Percy off at the corner by Grover's house, he gave him a quick kiss and an easy I love you. Not the kind you would tell your boyfriend but the kind you would tell your best friend.

Because it was true Jason didn't love Percy like that, yes he liked Percy, he liked Percy a lot.

No he didn't love Percy yet. He didn't love Percy but he loved the little things he did. He loved what they had, and for now, for two sixteen year old boys. That was enough.

****

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The End! Thanks for sticking with me till the end. This is kinda a bland ending buuut...

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah... Um, this is Horrible, but it gets better. I hope.   
> Comment dipshits.  
> ~Arai


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